Ladies, do you sometimes feel like you've dated all the single-minded men in this town? Fret not, consider the many-minded alternative:
Let us introduce myselves. We are a wide variety of personalities that exist within the confines of the physical brain of one man, known generally as Greg (who by the way, we are writing this letter on behalf of, unbeknownst to him).
How did we come about you ask? Great question, let us explain...
One day while teaching high school history, Greg's students were being so very unruly. For the umpteenth time, Greg politely asked his students to settle down and focus on their schoolwork.
For the umpteenth time, those same students rebuffed his attempts at maintaining order. It was a few weeks before spring break, and Greg was at the end of his rope.
Sometime during his lunch break, Greg started day dreaming about a new life elsewhere. The day dreaming got deeper and deeper to the point that, to put it bluntly, Greg momentarily left his classroom reality for a happier one. During this mental break, his mind found it was better for Greg to develop other identities in order to protect Greg from the troublemakers.
We, listed below, are some brief bios of the new personas Greg's mind has forged:
- Jaime -- The brash, swashbuckling leader of a renegade foodie-force devoted to ridding South America of mediocre snack foods.
- Jerome -- A body builder focused on developing the largest lower back muscles of all time.
- Chet -- A mute falconer with a penchant for rhinestone-encrusted boots.
- Gustav -- A hip car mechanic specializing in the restoration of the 1984 Yugo.
- Tyler -- Frontman of "N-Judah!", a rock band attempting to make music exclusively derived from the organic noises that can be heard on a daily commute on the same MUNI line bearing their name.
- Mordecai -- Retired High Priest of the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Perpetuities.
To make a long story short, when you date Greg you are actually also dating the rest of us, depending on when an where our individual personalities comes to the forefront.
One small detail! The vast majority of the time, Greg actually assumes his original, normal (and in our collective humble opinion relatively boring) personality. As a result, you should probably learn a little about Greg:
- Greg likes to spend a lot of time outdoors, exercising, and enjoying sunshine.
- Greg enjoys live music, sampling different ethnic cuisines, and laughing at funny things.
- Greg loves being lazy, hanging out on his couch, and watching movies.
Alright, now that's out of the way we can finally quit talking about Greg and bring your attention to the other six of us. Look Greg's a real charity case, and if we hadn't gotten together and put down this email, he might never meet a great woman! We'd all like to meet a nice gal as well, and agree that if we can find one woman who could learn to love all of us, we too will be content with that one, single-minded, woman.
Sincerely,
Jaime, Jerome, Chet, Gustav, Tyler, and Mordecai (on behalf of Greg)
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