Hiya hot stuff.
Dating is tough. Finding real compatibility - at all levels - is just plain hard.
Who I'm looking for is very, very specific. In a nutshell, if the title doesn't accurately describe you, and you don't resonate with what I've written below, there's somebody out there for you, but it's probably not me. I wish you well, and thank you for taking the time to read this.
This laundry list of qualities & experience is mostly non-negotiable. They are (I think) what we need to have enough common ground to connect on the levels that matter to me: politically, sexually, socially, spiritually (don't ask what that last one means - I'm a tad vague on it lately).
I'm serious about this ad: there is no timeline, but I also am pretty burned out on making efforts that go nowhere. This does *not* mean that we can't enjoy casually dating; it does mean I'm pretty picky and direct these days.
*Be kinky. Don't be vanilla. If you don't know what that means, Next Ad!
*Be fun. I crack people up; I like to be cracked up. I like pleasant surprises. I don't need to be endlessly entertained in an infantile/needy fashion.
*Be a participant in the arts; be a cultured person. That means you read books, go to the theater once in a blue moon, know the difference between chamber music and an orchestra, have an inkling about what jazz is, see non-crap movies. Don't write, "I love the Rolling Stones, and Danielle Steel's latest novel!" We will not bond. I might have you attacked by the Telegraph Hill Parrots.
*Be at a healthy weight. A tad overweight is OK - obese is not.
*Be verbal. I like to talk. I like to listen. Have something to say!!!!!
*Be orgasmic. Any further explanation on my part can only lead to awkward typing moments.
*Be worldly. Speak another language, or tell me about other countries you've lived in, or traveled to. Tijuana DOES NOT COUNT. Same with Cancun. Montreal might if you can understand 17th century French.
*Be formally educated; be a person who reads. Have at least a BA. Have more than a passing interest in the life of the mind. You don't have to write crossword puzzles for the NY Times, but I have a wide knowledge base, and need the same in people I date.
*Be at least mildly interested in politics: be a person who keeps up on what's going on in the world.
*Be unbelievably horny once in a while. Actually, it should be a fairly regular instinct. I'm a top. If you don't know what that is, sheesh, look it up! I *do* like sexually aggressive women, but I don't connect with women who want to spank me.
*Have a budget that works for you. I am not interested in supporting grown women financially. I have to pay back my stupid graduate school loans.
*Be smart. Know things I don't know, and be willing to share them.
*Be kind. Most of you who read this will be dead within 40 years of reading this ad. Let our mortality inform our life's choices.
*Have a sense of humor. Bonus points if you know who Lenny Bruce was. If you've never heard Richard Pryor, I suppose that's OK, but I think it's a damn shame. Understand that the Simpsons, which I don't make time to watch, is nonetheless arguably the most important thing on the fricking idiot box.
*Don't watch the idiot box daily. Maybe don't watch it all. Remember: we're dying. Watching DVDs & Videos is not watching the idiot box.
*If you get off on being tickled or spanked, that's a good sign. If you don't, this one is negotiable.
*Think that the heart of all the world's religions is wise, but the substance is largely insane crap. If you go to church or synagogue or meditate, have a good reason beyond fear & habit.
*Be respectful & sincere. I have been shocked – shocked I say! – by how inconsiderate some responders have been. I don't want to email back and forth several times. If you like what you read, send a pic or two I can see (30k or bigger, your face & bod visible), and if I like what you wrote and what you look like (honesty is my trademark), I'll write back. Then we IM. Then we talk on the phone. We do not talk on the phone six different times over a week before meeting. Then we meet. Nice, huh?
*Be single. Casual dating is fine. Being divorced is fine. Being married, or living with somebody, and writing me anyway even though I explicitly am telling you not to, makes you ineligible!
* I'm a vegetarian, and I don't drink alcohol. You may eat and drink as you chose, but please don't write if my choices are a problem for you.
*Don't smoke. It means you have a poor imagination, are in denial, are an addict, or some combination of the above.
*Be mentally healthy. That means you have worked on yourself (which I'd expect would be necessary for the sort of nut-case who'd find this ad compelling); don't be an addict active in your addiction to alcohol or drugs.
*Be kind to Republicans, but if you think there's anything in their platform worth believing, go to Chestnut Street and order one.
*Having kids is not a problem. Striking them when you're frustrated, or making them less important than your shopping spree, makes you UNBELIEVABLY ineligible to even speak with me.
*Have a nice day. Thank you for reading all of this.
*Have time. If you don't have time to IM me in the next few days, that's a very, very bad sign.
*Have social graces. One woman I met through this ad called me at 6 am, and after I expressed displeasure at her concern for me waking up on time for an appointment, she called another morning at 7 am. She's out of the will. Make appointments; keep appointments. Don't pick your nose in public. Don't disappear for several days – without notice – when we're first emailing/IM'ing. Sheesh!
*Don't be an unrecognized narcissist. We all have issues, but geeze, have some consideration for near-strangers: send photos where I can see you; if you don't return a call that we've scheduled, explain why; be a normal, well-adjusted grown up with the ability to take into account others' reasonable needs.
*Alternative, in my experience, is often a euphemism for flakey. I'm an empiricist: everything in my value and belief system, with the rarest of exceptions, can be tested. Lemons, or chanting, or encounter groups will not cure cancer; meditating will not stop you from being an asshole. If you do believe such things, please have some proof. Otherwise, I'll just tell you that I'm really a giant purple demon with a 14" penis, who speaks six languages from other planets, and gee you should just believe me and send me cashiers’ checks.
*Empiricists (my people) are not conspiracy theorists, anti-semites, alien-watchers, et.al. If you are one of these folks, we'll have a bit of difficulty. I'm interested in the real, observable world. Occum's Razor. That sort of thing.
Me in a blurb: BA in English; MAEd; profession of unusual nature; speak fluent French & German (NOT written, sheesh!); native Northern Californian; have lived in Europe three times; have worked on myself a great deal; value skepticism over faith and heart over skepticism; big libido; will commit felonies for my friends; have never kicked an animal and would commit a felony on somebody who I saw doing so; am kind to Republicans and have three friends from said insane continent; not hot to have kids but open to discussion with the right person; history of left-handed bi-sexual women as serious girlfriends and no, I don't know why, and no it's not required; have a budget that works for me; in good health; have ADD; pro-choice; anti-fascist; I think that's quite enough for now, don't you?
About your pic!
You might be shocked to learn (shocked I say!) that the MAJORITY of the brave who respond don't send a pic. As I rant above about social graces and narcissism, it seems perhaps the perfect first test.
Best Wishes in Your Search!!!
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