|
| Seek and you shall never, ever find - 32 (mission district) |
| Construction : Building |
| 03/15/06 |
This post is for the “sought” neo-realists, some closet romantics, and/or the people who understand the other side of the CL dynamic – that the CL personals section is really just active human psychology under an Web-electron microscope, a receptacle of our loneliness and expectorations. Moreover, it’s a fast-moving cyber-river, everybody floating in one direction. So here goes my three-paragraph treatise on the treacherous, CL personals game – it’s my attempt to swim against the current. I have never posted on here before, so maybe this should go in “Rants and Raves.”
Don’t seek. Make connections and be patient. See, I have issues with the word “seeking.” It’s cold and terminal. There is no virtue in seeking, hunting, trying. To seek is to endeavor, and to endeavor...well it’s making a concerted effort towards an end, with one specific goal in mind. Finality. Completion. It’s not that simple, not with people. No way. You can’t just check off your people list and move on…it messes with your head…it’s undignified – and in an emotional sense, in the bigger picture, subconsciously for the seeker and the sought, it’s too crippling and painful…and there are too many other facets to consider. When I rifle through a cereal box looking for the little surprise, I am “seeking.” When I run my hand around the lip of the dryer after a load of laundry, I am “seeking.” Seeking is scanning the dinner menu for the tastiest dish or searching for an elusive street sign in the middle of the night on a new moon…once you find it, you forget about it, and move on to your next endeavor, the next item on your list. But relationships on any level are much more complicated – that is unless you hook up with a Ted Bundy guy or a Patricia Allanson girl…but that’s another matter altogether…and horribly, it still does not lend itself to the social finality implied in “seeking,” unless you’re seeking to kill. Can you really seek love, wisdom, good, virtue, friendship, or a significant other? It’s too shallow. All of those things find you.
Why seek a woman when they’re all around, beautiful ladies inside and out, each with deep, personal stories of struggle, defeat, rejection, and triumph? – it’s like saying “man or woman seeking air.” See, the terrible thing about seeking a significant other is that we just add to the cauldron of rejection and/or deceit. We turn each other on and off, and eventually eliminate that person from our psyche because they didn’t turn our social crank. Believe me, the success rate on CL personals, i.e. relationship longevity and clanging wedding bells, is significantly lower than the rate of failure. I mean, your goal, which is riddled with expectations, is to sift through subjective humanism hundreds of times over until you find the right order of imperfections…we all know that finding the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend is a fallacy. We love people for their idiosyncrasies, not for their Ph.D. Or you actually make a connection, having completed the endeavor, and throw your emotional gear box into 6th gear, speeding ahead, ignoring the virtues of simple social intimacy, manifesting expectations by the day, and building an elaborate façade. Love is happenstance. We should all tear down our walls, the seeker and the sought.
I’m not “man seeking woman.” I’m “man patiently awaiting chemistry,” which nobody can ever control. I want to make an acquaintance and build, not dissolve, no matter who or what the circumstance is – that is unless you have some kind of agenda. There is never any real finality in any relationship, not with the first boy or girl you kissed back in the fifth grade, not with the boyfriend or girlfriend that abused you physically or mentally…they never leave us; though we may move on. And if friendships are really relationships or social celebrations between two people, then there shouldn’t be any motive or presupposition going in. That’s how people get hurt. Forget the laundry lists and limitations and celebrate people, not your ultimate agenda. Ask not what that person can do for you…ask what you can do for that person. And then watch your family of friends grow. Nevermind what you “seek” – because if you stay true to yourself and to your purpose on Earth, you needn’t seek love or a significant other. If you stay true to yourself, to your benevolent mission on Earth, good people flock to you, and love as it were will always find you.
|
|
