Rent-A-Geek (computer troubleshooting, configuration, instruction)

If your computer's broken or giving you agita, chances are I can fix it. I come to you and do the work there or, if you prefer, I can pick up your computer (just the box), bring it home and return it the next day all nice and clean like digital laundry. Or you can bring your computer to me (I'm in Soma). I also do instruction along the way if you'd like, and I can teach you anything about your computer from fixing it to building it to making webpages with it or downloading music or whatever. Here's my goofy blurb:

Don't wrestle with your computer a minute longer! Sometimes the only way out of a computer jam is to bring in the nerds. Breathe easy, call a nerd. Same day service, night jobs, whatever.

Computer Configuration
- I'll have your computer dancing in no time, and I'll show you how to do it yourself.

Instruction
- Internet (from surfing to email to webpage design, you'll learn exactly what you need)
- Web Production (from HTML to Flash to Dreamweaver to PHP, from novice to very advanced)
- Webpage Design (from a personal page to an ecommerce store. Remember "ecommerce stores"?)
- Basic to Advanced Computer Set Up (learn how to tame your unruly computer)
- Photoshop (a fabulous image editor and a design industry standard) or Fireworks (an almost as fabulous image editor)
- All lessons are short and painless. Even though I'm a geek, I'm a very good teacher.

Hard Drive Backup/Archiving
- CD-Rom: You can put up to 700 megs of data (that's a lot) on a CD that any computer can read. This is also nice for making archives of, say, pictures.
- DVD data disks. Each one holds 4.7 gigabytes.
- I bring my equipment to you. All backup procedures are non-surgical and painless.

Virus & Spyware Removal
- These programs are so obnoxious, installing themselves often without your knowledge and slowing everything down and causing relentless popups.
- There are a few simple things you need to do to lock down your PC. If you don't do them, it's just a matter of time before your homepage turns into some gambling and/or porn site.

Spam Prevention
- We can set up a spam filter that will filter literally 99.9% of all your spam.

Computer as Stereo Component
- I can set you up downloading music and playing it through your stereo, the ultimate stereo component.
- I'll bring you up to speed on all the issues here, and get things running perfectly.
- Help you join the iPod nation.

Webpage Design
- I can set you up as an online store taking credit cards (and it's cheap and easy).
- I can even put you on a free server, so you'll pay no monthly fees ever.
- I also register you with search engines, get you an email address if you need one, the whole deal. I'll also answer your questions.
- You can see my work at mondominishows.com or wrybread.com.

Hardware and Software Consulting
- I'll help you decide which software you need and which is just a scam to get your money (as most software is). I know what's good.
- Considering buying a computer or a peripheral? I'm very on top of this stuff, and can help you much more than the boobs at CompUSA. You'd be amazed how clueless those guys are, and the journalists at PC Magazine et al are only slightly better. I can save you from wasting thousands of dollars. I'll also install anything you need, like a bigger harddrive, monitor, RAM, whatever.
- Or you can build your own computer, which is much more fun and much cheaper, and you'll learn tons, and you can even build it into any box you want. We can even make a wall sculpture.

Networking
- If you have more than one computer, we can create a network in your home which lets you easily and quickly share files, printers, and a single internet connection. That means you can have multiple computers online simultaneously using a single phone line or DSL connection.
- Your network can be wired or wireless or a combination of the two.
- And I can give you telephone or email tech support, any time of day.
- I can even connect Macs to your PC network with full file and connections sharing.
- Also, if you're setting up a home office, I can handle everything, cheaply too.

Upgrade Old Machines to Windows 2000
- If you have an old machine running Windows 98, 95 or ME, I couldn't recommend this upgrade any more highly. An old machine running Windows 2000 will usually be faster than a new machine running Windows XP.

Housecalls or Drive-By
- I can either come to you and do the work at your place or, if you prefer, I can take your computer home (just the main box) and fix it up and drop it off the next day. Think of it as digital laundry.