First off he's on private property, so you can just call the cops and they will force him to leave or be arrested if he resists. But, I would do something else entirely. While he's sleeping under your porch, get a brown bag full of dog shit and light it on fire (be careful not to start a fire on the porch though!) While he's franticly stomping out the fire of shit, run up to him with a hose and spray that whole area down. Not only did you get to hose that smelly shit down, but you got some revenge against him.
If that doesn't work, then you have only 1 option. Buy a pack of condoms and fill each one with some whip cream. Place the condoms strategically around the sleeping guy, make sure to spill some whip cream around his blanket. When he wakes up in horror, tell him you have AIDS and have an uncontrollable masturbation problems which makes you jerk off around the porch. He won't sleep there again. Hope that helps man.
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So I have a homeless guy under my porch. He has a mattress, magazines, food, pillow etc. He left a shit in the walk way. The area is filthy, and attracts rodents. My neighbor has told me who he is and I see him pan handling on Clement street.
So what do I do? Cops? Hose him down? Confront him on the street and tell him to get off my property? What would you do?
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