I am learning to be patient...which is a polite way to say that, just like in real life, most women on CL are probably not the women who I would like to date for a possible long term relationship. I am over 30 and under 40; and semi-happy I have been divorced for about two years after a mostly fun 7 year marriage which resulted in a friendship but not a life partnership. Anyway, it's taken me quite awhile to begin to appreciate the personals and dating game for what it is and what it is not.
To save you and I time / heartache / miscommunication / fear, I will tell you that while I am a passionate person, I am learning to be patient.
The best women I have met, (including my ex) I met by approaching in person. I have signed up for a paid dating service - and after placing this ad, I will visit it. As great as CL is for some things, I have found friends but no lovers on CL and I continue to post in the hopes I will someday be surprised. Most of the women (and men) on CL think they're worthy of a huge checklist of "requirements" but actually don't have their lives together enough to sacrifice and pay for one year of a paid dating service...much less notice the humble "average" potential princes and princesses who pass them by each day...so what does that you tell you?
Except for a hug and kiss (which may even be botched or not happen at all) I think the first few dates are best dedicated to exchanging information with a personal presence that is not possible over the internet.
If you are seeking an office worker / start-up assistant / middle manager / CEO / white collar / conformist type, skip to the next ad. While I can and have excelled at all these roles, and probably have more "formal" education than you, I am now happy in a blue collar / manual labor job that frees up my time and mind for what I consider bigger things. I have a strong independent streak and admire women who also share that trait but can realize that two rebels working together are stronger than one - and stronger than two rebels working in different directions.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO I MAKE?
I have begun to see how money comes and money goes; my current position allows me time to build on my career skills and I make a respectable salary / benefits. When I want to I can eat out without worrying about leaving a tip. I am building my skills so I can have a better income and lifestyle, but currently I am more or less middle class. My car has miles on it, but it has a nice body, runs well and is paid for. I have student loans but no credit card debt. I will not hold it against you if you don't make or have as much or if you make way more - so long as I can understand why and how you can still add value to my life if we develop a life partnership.
THE BETTER QUESTION IS HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU TYPICALLY ACCUMULATE? I grew up relatively poor and thus I tend to use money conservatively. I am loosening up a bit but you might need to put up with my frugal lifestyle...better yet, EITHER you share the same saving sentiment, or you have enough money that you can convince me to relax (no promises on me changing overnight but I just don't want to raise kids the way I was raised - two parents, 4 kids, a rented home, and one car). No "bling bling" but proud that I currently have more assets than debt.
Here is what I am looking for now that I was not patient enough for earlier:
I am only interested in a partner who is in good physical shape (ie - drug / disease free (occassional 420 / recreational drug use / overeating tolerated but you don't require me to partake so that you feel more comfortable).
You don't have to be a gym nazi or in the olympics, but I won't hold that against you. You should be fit enough to run, exercise, or have sex for 45 minutes continously, at least 2 - 4x / week. Except for sex, you do not need an exercise partner - preferably throughout life you have generally been self-motivated to stay in shape. Of course you do not smoke, or have any diseases. If you are a former addict and/or suffer from alcoholism, etc., let me know how many years of sobriety you have and we'll see how things go.
You should also be well rounded.
Intellectually - you probably graduated from a good school and/or with a good GPA; BUT if you are a self-employed cleaning lady (or whatever) who never graduated from college, (unlike most "smart" people on this list, I'D STILL LIKE TO MEET YOU. The point is, you're not stupid, and you're often curiuos).
Vocationally - you may not love your job but it sustains you without outside help (note: if you have kids, the job you have can at least sustain YOU - understandable if you need child support to pay for the kids). Great if you're in a job you love - or trying to create this situation. If having children is your only purpose, we won't be a match. If pleasing your mate is your only purpose--well who knows, I'm cynical and suspicious of that being you're real purpose but I'd love to be pleased.
Spiritually - you may or may not believe in God, but you realize we are all part of a spirtual community and thus your job is not to tell others what to do or think, but to do your part to improve your spirit.
Educationally - you enjoy learning new things...at this point, with the right person or persons, the bedroom is a potential place of learning and teaching.
Romantically - repeating the same romantic adventures every time would bore you. WHATEVER you find sexy or romantic (from traditional flowers and chocolates to a non-traditional poly lifestyle or swing party) you are willing to communicate and be upfront and HONEST with me about what you want. You do not expect me to be magically "romantic" on our first date (nor do I expect this of you).
Socially - Family / relationships come first but you realize that your romantic partner does not displace your need for your other social circles. Totally ending "girls night out" because you got married or had kids would be stupid. Nor do you expect your partner to find all his social life depends on you.
Personality - although you can dominant a project or fulfill a goal, you usually want to be submissive in the bedroom with your male partner and are willing to let him take control in areas where you both agree. In some areas, you will be more knowledgeable, and if that is the case, you will not play the role of "helpless little girl" instead you will take control and handle these areas independently. Most importantly, you are willing to do your part (and it requires effort from both partners) to make sure that areas of disagreement do not overrun areas of agreement.
IF not already apparent, why would a non-conformist (or perhaps someone from another country) be ideal? - Instead of shopping downtown, you enjoy stimulating conversations, preparing, and eating food with friends / family / your lover. Your dream would be to pay someone to shop for you.
Instead of working for someone else, you like the idea of working for yourself - perhaps even sharing a business with your partner. You would also be comfortable occassionally going to a shooting range. (Despite your liberal / progressive nature, you don't think the world will be safer if only theives and Dick Cheney own guns...and you realize that the US cannot simply give up all its nuclear weapons and sing Kum-bye-yah and pray to God that our example will inspire no one to ever build another bomb... I would rather date a smart conservative Republican than a liberal who is a complete idealistic IDIOT). Wow...it was hard to say that, but it is the truth.
The idea of building a house off the grid sounds better than having picking a floor plan from a developers sales brochure. Raising kids to appreciate all religions sounds better than beating God into them with the perfect religion.
Ideally, you enjoy all kinds of activities like dancing ( tango anyone? ) and do not expect your partner to be an expert at these things but just to be able to have fun.
Helpful if you study law or are concerned about justice.
Your age? As long as you are over 21 and can still have and/or adopt children within the next 5-7 years, please respond. Of course, I am not rushing into a marriage / kids but since we're thinking long term, we need to have options.
It will help if you send a photo, but I have not posted mine so why should you have to send yours? If you send yours, I do have some I can send in return...
(And by the way, I am not a beautiful long haired rock star. My hot or not score (of about 4) shows that, like the owners of hotornot dot com, I am slightly less good looking than average according to the standards of popular opinion. Of course, until the movie "Supersize It," popular opinion believed that we should all be eating at McDonald's... Popular opinion also elected President Bush. Popular opinion can be important in the right context, but it would help if you can see that marrying a pretty boy could create more problems for you than marrying an average (or out of favor) guy such as myself. In just 20 years, you're going to look older and way more played out than you do now.
Or maybe your looks might take a drastic turn for the worse the next time you make a turn and forget to use your blinker...accidents happen.
Will it help keep us together if you or I once looked like models, rockstars, or actors? Considering the high divorce rate among those folks (which I can't prove but it seems higher than average) I don't think so... So think about what you really want when a nerd or a bald guy sends you his pic (and no I'm not a complete nerd and I have a full head of hair and none of its gray yet, but you get the point).
If you don't send your pic, you better send me a few time windows of when we can meet in SF on a Sunday at Cafe Abir (Fulton & Divisadero). I am patient but my time is valuable; no photo AND no time window = no response.
Also, if you are one of the few brave women who usually posts their pic or pics in their personal ads on CL tell me (or send me a link to your CL ad) and I will make it a point to respond to you sooner.
It takes most people about 2 years to get to know somoene enough to seriously consider marriage; about 5 years to really know whether marrying them was the right move; and about 5 more years to allow any resulting children to enter the school system and begin to become self-sufficient. 12 years from now, you could be :
divorced from a "a great looking / rich guy who had an ego / issues you thought you could fix" OR
"married but unhappy" OR
"single, childless, but dating and happy that you're finding hobbies, travels, and things other than kids or marriage to make you happy" OR
"married and always busy but amazed to see how quickly your kids are growing".
----No rush but I am choosing the last option and would like a partner interested in the same. That doesn't mean we have to stop having fun or even adult adventures, but it does mean that we will achieve more if we are trying to move in the same direction. In the process there will be some bumps / bruises / and oops I didn't mean to say / do that to yous, but that is par for the course in a search for a life partner.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>POINT:
It will end quickly, so enjoy your life.
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