Ok this is gonna have to be quick (quick for gori is still very long ;)...
First, I want to thank all the khushi desis who wrote me saying how hilarious I supposedly am lol... mostly bc of the accha Hinglish lol... do, I want to say shukriya to the morons who wrote crap to me for giving me more material to post here lol... idiots! <-- to quote the venerable SRK.. but I have to say something serious (writing furtively in exile from the evil hacker mehri ex psycho sanam) first:
Brief (not) but important points:
Disclaimer: no matter what way you try to contact me, the psycho ex-sanam has hacked EVERYTHING- any email account I set up, my phone msgs etc.. etc.. (if anyone knows how to fix the Tmobile call forwarding feature- my calls are being hijacked- PLEASE email me- since psycho already knows how lol- the page on their site is missing after the Paris Hilton thingy...) hence the plea below- BUT- please understand that any accha desis trying to talk to or help gori may not be able to reach me/you may get (convincing, depending on how much - f*ck what is that damn word that means drugs/sex etc.. (not masti ok? the other one sh*t I don't have my gori Hinglish cheat sheet on me while writing from exile but)... depending on how recently the person shot smack, basically) you may get replies that SOUND like the *true* gori but are not.) What can you do, yaar? If you can help me out (as per below), having your phone # (only for the brave cause hacker desi bahin chod will undoubtedly harrass you if he gets it) would help me find those who have offered (or can offer) help that I can't reach otherwise (hint: gori raapchik maal is a ferengi with a sexy voice, idiot hacker ex-sanam who tries to call you instead has lots of hooker friends who sound bahut pagal who could try to imitate gori) so I dunno... I need a pager lol... how don of me but I digress... point is this is a plea for help, so much for being brief! please try to reach gori repeatedly if you don't get a real sounding (or any) response bc TONS of my email etc.. voicemail has been stolen... k nuf said...) You could also try posting in *missed connections*, which gori will check (so will hacker desi bahin chod so be careful) as often as possible from exile- sorry I don't have time/ability to get online right now to read rants & raves... so also beware of mehri ex-psycho saying shit about gori on here- he is mentally ill & will try to convince desis gori is aisey bhi hai, hai vaisey bhi.. but he's a psycho liar who is full of shit (witness gori's destroyed websites, pardesi bhaiyan aur bahinji!) :(
ek) gori is a writer- gori is being hounded by bunti wacko job abi phir in real life gori is trying to write some novels... which are autobiographical to some extent lol, more than one of which centers around desi bahin chod yuppie larka... aur yeh accha desi dost(an? ay? can someone (politely !!!!!) help me with the plural endings here lol?) also... so calling all desi publishers that might want to help poor gori with yeh accha paisey $$$ advance.. as in, some way to get out of the financial mess yeh get a life hacker has thrown jhinchik maal into.... (remember disclaimer up about contacting gori!!!! aka keep trying!)
do)gori needs legal help with taking desi psycho (who owes much money to gori & has bahut paisay to pay with) to arbitration- yeh bunti bahin chod still believes this is Hindustani-land, where he can simply say 'ek pagal ferengi larki- sati abi!' aur thulla will listen to him... gori especially needs help from persons experienced in arbitration who are also intimately familiar with ppl with personality disorders (aka ex-sanam bahin chod)...
teen) gori needs IT/hacker or private investigator help badly... gori rappchik maal is WAY open to the idea of being shortie to/riding with (lol) yeh bindaas tapori who can help her with this as long as s/he's chikna/i, accha/i? cause all I got left to pay with is some divine gori-diyan assistance or mehri company... nahin gori-whore accha? so don't assume... ;)
char) gori's hoping the jhakka desis who already contacted her (but presumably have been unable to contact further due to psycho ganja-sootya 'looser' shana) will try again... try replying to this post first, be wary of any odd-sounding replies: sri. phish-hacker, roxie, sri. V with gulab eyes lol.... hoping to speak with y'all...
Ok nuf said, please if you want to help gori out, she is a gajjab hai mamoo bling-bling who doesn't deserve the fata kela circumstances she's in right now- desi hacker looser started his rampage anew as soon as gori tried to say funny, real things on CL & (most of all) reach out for some help against his abuse... if, as one sri phish told me 'I'm here to prove not all Indian men are like that'- then make the extra effort to help your fellow desi-identified gori out ok? (that is: FOLLOW THROUGH ON THE PROMISES SWADESI! lol)...worth the good karma points alone... I promise ;) One last thing- if anyone can lend gori a wireless card that will work in a newer thinkpad latptop that would help me to get around the hacker to at least get web access & be able to post more gori rants ;) ;) we know you love those! :D
Back to your regularly scheduled rant ;) more on the idiots who contacted gori from mehri personal ad yaar aur yaarini lol... just to say first- some f*cking cool ppl wrote me, there's some great desi ppl out there... (especially if they can help rapchik get away from yeh psycho-hacker-yo) but there's also bahut idiots lol....
Just a sample of yeh fatta bunti crudos because gori chori is in a hurry to hide from hacker yo.... lol.... to keep y'all entertained:
Sat, 4 Mar 2006 11:32:39 -0800 (PST)
From: "Xulfi ***" <******@*****.com> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: wow
To: pers-*******@craigslist.org
Your ad was good....i dont know whether I am repling kinna late or what...but attached is a pic of me...if interested then write back.
((gori comment: first of all, xulfi is an accha cool name, aur yeh tapoori guru lol looked accha- got the p*ssy tickler goatee, all that... cept yaar! did you wash your hair in the last week! ewwwwww.... lookin a little too rough for gori & NOT impressing with the lack of intellect at all... not even raapchik maal is gonna do yeh lund like that, nahin! next...)
((gori comment, aka 'gc': yeh personal fave next- the couple who wrote repeatedly referring to 'having a good time' 'over drinks' (note email handle) with gori, who 'have attended many orgis' (sic)' but of course would *never* look for 'orgis' on CL... because (oooh in awe nahin lol) they lived in *Europe* (denoting- we are rich bahin chod lol) and of course all euro-goris KNOW there are just all these hella upright 'orgis' for the taking in polite society in the ubiquitous 'Europe' (aren'tcha gonna say 'Switzerland' or 'Zurich' & try to impress gori? worried gori's ancestors might actually BE from Suisse, therefore a) gori would be understandably non-impressed lol b) could show you up & expose the lie?) lmao.. I digress.. this is email 2 or 3 I think of the series.. some ppl just do NOT get the hint... I kept saying QUIT TRYING TO C*UPLE F*CK GORI WHO IS INTERESTED NAHIN...but to no avail (this particular email apparently courtesy of the female of the couple entirely UNABLE to refer to themselves in the singular- maybe the royal 'humara', lol?))
****** wasted <****@*****.com> wrote:
Alright, so the conversation is getting interesting...you definetly have a piquet wit, we have to admit. Intriguing, very intriguing. You are right in your assesments about the desi mentality, given the set and nature of "sample" that is avaiable for observation here in the bay area or abroad in general. from our conversations so far, I am also assuming that (and plz correct me if i am wrong) your experience with the species extends beyond a single BF and/or his friends, but still limited, maybe. ((gc: OMG f*ck you! 1st of all, read goris post before you pick up on her (OP, back in personals lol) You're the ones hanging at ferengi orgies in Suisse! damn... at least my friends really *are* from India/S Asia lmao! just bc gori speaks ghetto Hinglish... does not mean she's not a real suheli you appe bunti shortie! damn...how - what is that word? ppl who shut out anyone not of their own ethnicity... think the Japanese... I can't remember it but someone look it up in ferengi dictionary quick! lol)) So you are right in your observations about 'desis on CL' from your perspective. ((gc: fake fawning on gori- they did alot of this in previous email- does not make up for stupid/condescending earlier comment looser! lol))
But not to insult your intellegence ((gc: believe me, you're SO doing so with the crap spelling alone)), we ((gc: who? you & the queen of England? last time the 'other' of the 'we' wrote me but HTF can I tell the difference? rude/annoying couple come on 'loosers')) must also say that you are too quick to jump to conclusions. First of all, the term 'desi' specifically doesnt apply to people only of Indian nationality (and i am sure you know this, yet you are assuming that we are from India), Desi can be anybody from India, Pakistan, Nepal, Bhutaan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh etc. ((gc: thanks for the lesson non-Hindi speaker- look below & you forgot Tibet aur Myanmar aka Burma fool..)) And although, your assumptions about the "desi sexuality" are quite pertinent, they are not equivocally right.
Second, and again, not to insult your people skills, in all of our conversations, we never hinted on the notion of sex. ((gc: lol!!! love this with the next line)) we must also apologize, because may be at our side, the remark about "orgies" was a bit ostentatious, nevertheless with merit. But we were right when we said that we would not look for it on the internet, the reason being issues of safety or as you might rightfully say, desi sense of insecurity. ((gc: tee hee)) The truth is that your emails so far indicate a very interesting personality, some one we would like to meet, and have a good time with,((gc:????)) and we hope that you'd expect the same.
We also think that a lot of misconception is in the air because of no proper background. Well we are both in our 20's, and been living in SF (yes, we live in the city) for about 3 yrs. I (the female counterpart) am 100% home grown desi, while my husband of five years is a mix, turkish-indian to be precise. Both of us work in the fashion industry, And yeah, its just 3 years in States, doesn't mean that we have been living abroad for only 3 yrs. Frankly, Europe is a much better place to get sexually "experimental" but we are out of that phase, atleast for now.
We are sorry, as far as finding someone that might fit in your description of Sri lamba babu, we don't know any, nor have any chances to know in the future. As like anyother woman, i can say that my husband is quite attractive, but I am sorry, cause im very protective about him, because every man is an asshole (he is actually laughing his ass off as i am typing this). so that's the Raam khaani from our side. Ab agar aur bhi kuch baaqee hai, tu waqt aanay per uss ko bhi moun dein lain gay ;-)...
Thanks for wishing us a good evening, we truly have those ((gc: I suppose they are having multiple good evenings right??)) after reading your emails...
gori response:
Date: Sun, 5 Mar 2006 15:12:36 -0800 (PST)
From: "gori ;)" <***@***.com> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: CL: Desi fundaa....
To: "***** wasted" <*******>
LOL...
Sorry I didn't answer this sooner but mehri psycho ex thrashed my email account again... if you got anything purporting to respond to this email (or any since my last email) they are unfortunately from him, sometimes (very accurately) pretending to be me..
First lol desi simply means 'countryman'- if you want to say SA or SA mixed or SA/SWA or whatever, then fine. As far as I lcnow ((gc: notice poor gori is reduced to using yeh crap falling apart laptop thanks to psycho ex-sanam stealing goris money & forcing her to live off $$ for her hardware upgrades :( sigh- so no 'k' key hence lc = k)) the term originates from India (I'm assuming Hindi/Urdu but I could be entirely wrong, as in pardesi etc.. etc..) Secondly this (lmao):
"some one we would like to meet, and have a good time with, and we hope that you'd expect the same."
In the context of a CL personals ad -in which sex/orgies/sexual 'experimentation' as a couple in your 20s etc../(lol) previous mention of having drinlcs & a 'good time' etc... comes up frequently, as well as *both* members of a *couple* trying pretty hard to convince me what an interesting person I might be lmao... sorry but to any red-blooded CL personals ad frequenter would equate all of that easily with a direct sexual come-on... (even if in a veiled desi fashion)- lilce all the uber queerish/closeted Arab/SA men I've met who are 'no no REALLY I mean REALLY I am NOT lilcing being with a man, REALLY....only women.. yes' ... lol I love fags, I love bi men more, but finding a queer-identified bi South Asian one is lilce a needle in the haystaclc (lol being married & trying to get bi chiclcs on the side doesn't count lmao!!!) I mean seriously, as a bi female I can't count the # of wayward couples who've come bothering me lol... at least you're more polite than you're partner lol... but seriously, I'm really not interested... have fun with whomever you can have fun with, enjoy yourself & don't be afraid to be direct with ppl- I can't spealc for all the double tallc Indians engage in, but most goron can handle things directly. Or if you're geniunely just loolcing for friends, it might worlc better not to try the couple come-on thing, which most ppl see in only one light in CL personals... (as in, NSA sex...) It's funny too since I also have a apparel/fashion BG way baclc, but sorry, if I get a menage a trois going (please DON'T talce this wrong, it is definitely a huge dream of mine to have a COMMITTED MUTUAL 3-way relationship BUT!!!!!!!) it will certainly be w/ppl I chose myself, or adding 1 partner at a time olc? NOT with a couple... So good luclc in your travels...
-gori
((gc: sigh how clueless can you get???- next!!!! OMG I can't believe the next one was real, with all the 'call me in 2 mos shit... BTW there aren't full headers or anything here cause I'm in a hurry, but I'm (sadly) not making this shit up! this is hella funny I think...))
Proper Dude <*******@******.com> wrote:
Hi,
Your post was so funny, I have saved it to my hdd. I find people who vent
at an absurd pitch funny, and you did it in a public forum. You can
certainly be an entertaining drama queen (I am not suggesting that you are
that way in relationships). ((gc:lmao! classic!!)) I also find serial Indian daters funny.((GC: i find you intolerably stupid, however)) I
would really love to hear you read your post.((gc: nude or ???))
Any way, here is my request. Can you please send me an Email with some
information about who you are, and I will send you back an Email from my
personal address. Right now, I am busy, but it might be fun to become
friends a few months down the road when I may have more time. I promise
that you are likely to find me quite interesting (what a qualified
promise!). ((gc: no shit you flaky loser? why are Indians all like that? and worse yet- why do you all spell it 'looser'? did I drop something? just wait for next time for the gori grammar/etiquette lesson! lmao! you 'loosers' are all in trouble then... damn... I digress...))And my girlfriend((GC: WTF you want mehri personal info for then asshole? f*ck off!!!)) is also a serial Indian dater ((Gc: read below but another insult ala grandpa uncle last time- there's gotta be some of you who ARENT total misogynists, right?)), and very funny.
You could both share notes, and you could even give me some tips on
managing things so she and I can be each other’s last! ((GC???????????????WTF? get a therapist! gori is not tumhara therapist dayski....))
And sending this to you is rather frightening, since you might publish it. ((gc: OMG LOL the *first* and *ONLY* desi smart enough to figure that out!!!!! lol!!!!!!!))
Please do not do that. ((gc: sucka! lol!!!!! like I listen to yeh fool yo like you!!)) If I have caused you any offense, please forgive me.((GC: that stupid fake-humility passive-aggressive shit at the end of the email again))
I wish you well.
Sincerely
((gc: the 'looser' didn't put any name after sincerely lmao))
gori reply ((GC sorry he's not first like I said... gori chori chalo chalo... ))
Subject: Re: raapchik maal gori here... more on the pathetic responses by CL men...
To: "Proper Dude" <****@*****.com>
Lmao.....
Not are you only THE utter stereotype of a non-committal, possibly very arrogant (or passive-aggressively falce-friendly) Indian male, but you are indeed the first person smart enough to figure out that idiots writing MORE utterly stupid, egotistical 'I am an idiotic stereotype of what's wrong with desis' comments directly to me via email just means I'll post them, lmao... once I reassemble my email/new router that has been haclced/reinstall my mcaffee products & remove the viruses my ex dropped deliberatly on my laptop, all since Fri, all as a reponse to me 'daring' to spealc out to the community at large about his abuse or moreover, loolc for a new lover or friends... not that I'm a drama queen or anything, you fuclcing asshole!!!! clue: try either a) not malcing the glaring, bludgeoning error of grossly (but incredibly rudely, if humorously) mis-using English phrases to total strangers or b) thinlc before you tallc. ((gc: not that gori ever does this with Hindi lol more on that later hee hee)) As such you just get lumped into the group of abject morons that my ex the violent haclcer/stallcer/schizophrenic is in... and of course the fact that your 'gf' is the 'serial Indian dater' or whatever belies some sort of NPD (narcsisstic personality disorder- as if your GF is just an extension of you, or Indians, or whatever, just lilce you- in your falce-friendly passive-aggressive way just called me a 'drama queen'- thus subtly or not-so-subtly denigrating the very real physical & emotional abuse I came at at the hands of the BPD desi psycho- anything to protect the homeland right? Isn't that GW's idiotic reasoning behind Guatamano Bay? did you lcnow you (or I) are next? moreover, did your dad beat you too (along with my ex)?? tough guess....) ...and remember, both you & mehri ex-sanam were raised by Indians.. that's why you're so fuclced up... lol..... sorry but since I'm offline I don't have my cheat sheet of hinglish swear words so I'm pretty limited to calling you a 'lcuttiya' (notice my lc lcey doesn't worlc lol) or a bahin chod or a gori fuclcer... lol... I guess I'm not too sad my email's been haclced- I love how my ex only left shit lilce this on here but deleted email from my friends & undoubtedly many of the more intelligent/friendly types who wrote lol...
-gori
((gc: gori was NOT in a good mood that day... lol))
Ok sorry bhai aur bahinji but gori is getting kicked off yeh stupid public computer (witness large hook coming from stage left to pull off gori) so will try to post more of the previous responses later.. or mail me some new stupidity & I'll get yeh accha crore writing advance yet... please ppl help gori out to escape the stalker & she will be good to you forever (well, she won't cook or clean house for you bc then she is mistaken for both a gori-wh*re & a ferengi nauker by the bahin chod larka she went out with in the past, but she will do soemthing nice for you somehow na bhai?)... accha desis! namskar lol :D
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