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| I Lost My Wife and Lover and Friend to Her Dead/Gone Dad and Family - 49 (oakland lake merritt / grand) |
| Cars & Trucks, Etc. : American : Dodge |
| 03/15/06 |
Yea,
I loved my wife. For almost 26 years. Dated 10, married 13, and separated 3. Two of the most wonderful children, boy 11 and girl 14. But her rich dad killed himself 2 days after we wed. So, we deserted our honeymoon on Maui and flew home to Santa Monica. He had left, saying he was going to kill himself, but his body would never be found. And it never has been. The immediate "story" was "it had nothing to do with your marriage". I let this be as my wife did not need such a discussion, at least right then. But as time went on, she refused to ever discuss the possible relationship. And, form our first T-Day as man and wife, I suggested buying a couple of Bakers Square pies as a gift. An offering from the new son-in-law. My wife went ballistic. And for the second or third time of oh so very many, she said "If we do that, it will insult my family and its traditions!". Bringing pies was an insult. They, my in-laws, then adopted rigidly all that my dad-in-law had enforced as holiday traditions as their own, nw traditions. And my ex spend the thirteen year we wee married making absolutely sure that none of my desires or family traditions were integrated into the holidays or that a separate family was formed. Items vetoed (uh, I could have but the consequences set forth were harsh) included: buying a smoked vs regular bird, taking my two kids out on X-Mas Eve to see the X-Mas lights (for maybe an hour), any change to their menu, expediting opening presents that used to take from 10 am till dark (every gift had to be individually appreciated; this was symptomatic of my dad-in-law's OCD), and much more. But, year one, six moth after we wed, I, upon seeing a Bakers Square, suggested buying a couple of fancy pies for T-day, in lieu of your basic frozen pumpkin pies or frozen pie shells with canned filling. My very soon to be ex saidf ths would "Insult her family and its traditions". So, for 13 years my ex kept 100% of me out of X-Mas and T-Day. Pretty much across the board, every suggestion or desire I had was rejected and anything from her family, the Rosensteins, was accepted. Two years prior to our marrital separation, my ex, in front of her mon (who I guess was the one that would be "insulted", announced that I could host T-Day that year! But, then a few minutes later, told me "If you host T-Day, I will not help you in any way. And if anything is not "right", my family will verbally tear you apart. And I will do absolutely nothing to defend you!". Needless to say, I turned down her "offer". Never having been the host of these holidays even when held in our home. A month later her brother gary changed all these rigid traditions and made the meal Thai, and hosted it in our home! I never was to do so myself!
Now, divorce is near. I am dating. But can anybody say where trust will be found? I dated her for 10 years (on and off;she dated many other guys) and SHE asked me to marry her. Yet, 6 months into the marriage she wanted out. She got so angry at my suggesting pies for T-Day! I was shocked as it was just a casual suggestion.
Then, after we separation, her mom told me "You destroyed our daughter by having sex with her. We (the mom and deceased/disappeared dad) hated you and never wanted you to marry our daughter! Why did you have kids.? Especially a second one!" Hey, my kids are spectacular. And her first grandchildren. The hate was so intense! I realized then that her dad had, near the top of his "why I am killing myslef" list, put my marriage to his daughter. He hated me so much that he would do such to his daughter. She had always sought his emotional support, but he favored he next younger brother. So, on "her" day he stays to receive all the accolades for the big wedding and reception. (always, he needed a demonstration of appreciation for any gift/expenditure, big or samll). And then was gone. And my family never to form. My ex maintained close to 100% control of the home. It was run as her birth family was. Near the end, she only would take Summer vacations at ther Lake Champlain beach cabin in Vermont, just as she had done every Summer as a kid. At the same time she stopped going to my 30+ year friends Memorial day celebration that we had gone to for many years. And stoped going to our trek to Laguna Seca for the cycle races, I had gone for 30 years an her 15 pus, and our kids since birth.
And she was always angry. Pretty much 24/7.
Especially towards the guy (me) who probably killed her dad!
So, is there any hope to fall in love? To have any trust? I was madly in love with her and did so many things (all insufficent) to "make her happy". To be my wife and form our family. But, again, every action to keep "our" family from forming was taken by her. She also, in three diff therapy groups, refused to discuss her dad's suicide/disappearance. As well as for the entire 13 years we were "married". Fought and won pretty much 100% of the time.
Talk to me.
I'll tell you about myself. BSME, Cal Poly, PE License (I am proud that I passed it on my first attempt - 26% pass rate)
20 years in the field
Cert in Marketing from Cal Extension
Motorcyclist
Hiker
Smart and sharp, at times
Kind and loving
I was 100.000% faithful
Love sex, with who I love, else, why? But, used to as a Dogtown (SM) surf kid do the usual "slip da pickle" whereever I could.
Did the "West Side of Dodge" thing; partied in SM, Malibu, Beverly Hills and Bel Air shit.
Yes, Ferraris, Porsches, and such.
Stars and cars.
Waves and surfing
bicycling up any mountain
Now heavy (5'-9", 230 pounds) but losing rapidly
Tough and strong
My sex goal was to satisfy my ex at least once hard before myself, always.
And that intercourse (the old in 'n out) was only the climax to everything else,
And not close to all that matters-foreplay (fun, hugs, massage, etc.) was really the "meat" of it. The tender expression of love. Intercourse the grand finale. Kaboom!
I am 49, blond, stocky. I smile a lot. have many friends. But never wanted to end what family was developed in 13 years.
Just started to look for sex! 3+ year w/o.
Love cats and dogs (hey, check out the book 'bout painting cats!)
Should I seek sex or love?
Should i trust or just keep it (my heart) close and secure?
Can anybody possibly date me as I am carrying such baggage?
Yet, I am getting thru it and wanting/desiring a love.
Talk to me. Call me an asshole. Or say you'll fuck me tonight! That you are beautiful, we can film it and send pics to my ex!
But, do not suggest a "hug" group! Yea, as if I could limit my drive to a hug and such! Unless a hug has me looking over your tummy at your orgasmic face. Breasts heaving and lips trembling.
Sorry 'bout that. But honest none the less.
Love ya all!
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