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| I have it all for you, but I don't have you. Why do you deserve me? |
| Farm & Horses : Training |
| 03/15/06 |
Hi ladies, (NOTICE: This is a long post...)
I go over to the WSM section of CL and I read your posts from time to time.
I'd like to respond to some of the things I read there, and get your response about that. Let's start a good relationship based on communication, shall we? I read that you are as alive as you can communicate. Here goes...
First, I am ashamed of the men out there that send nude photos. Pure scum. If you respond to those you deserve abuse. Why? Because you ARE obviously so starved for companionship you accept anything - even something that is clearly not going to provide YOU with what YOU are looking for.
Second, I'd like to address the issue of your weight. I like fit women. I like curves. How many pounds you have is a complete marketing plow to sell you some crap that you really don't need (I should know - I'm in marketing). What you do need is to eat healthy and exercise. You know when you are getting into the unhealthy range. If you feel you should work some of the excess off, for God's sakes do it. Besides, it is not what how many pounds you have it is how you carry those pounds. That comes from your attitude. It's what you DO with what you've got that makes you sexy!
That said, if you are a "fat" chick, I probably won't dig you for a LTR, but we can still rap. Sorry, but I really want a life with someone who I would consider drop-dead gorgeous. And yes, I know that takes work (on her part); just as I know it takes work to make and keep a good relationship going.
Third. It seems many of you are very picky about the men you want to be with. I'm a rare guy in that I adhere to many of the qualities you are looking for. Most guys don't think like that. They are out to "hit it and quit it." So, to relieve some of your past, present, and future grief I'll let you in on a few secrets:
1. No guy is really going to admit the sloppy crap you ladies say you want in a man.
A. His friends will think he is "soft."
B. Nothing in a guys life sells that to him (i.e, beer commercials)
C. The nearest bimbo with a boob job can change that conviction (even if he DID have it) with the mere wink of her eye.
2. You have to "train" the guy you want to keep.
A. If he lies or cheats on you once you make it known you WILL drop him like a hot rock.
B. You suspect he is lying or cheating he probably is, and you are in denial about it. This is an issue with you, and you don't deserve that kind of treatment. - Most guys are very bad liers: women just put up with their crap for lack of viable options...
C. It is up to you to run the show. You keep him in shape, if you want to have sex with him for years. (If you let him do it on his own, he WILL find another female to "test" his fitness on. Don't disallusion yourself on this on.) You keep the fires hot. You plan the romantic trips (he's had NO experience setting this sort of thing up, trust me). You have to give him backrubs and bj's for no reason just because you can, to reward "good behavior." If you don't, believe me, there's another lady out there plotting how she can get to him.
D. You have to set the standard, and keep the ethics, morals, honor and integrity in your relationship. The hard way is to make up a contract for your relationship and sign it. The easy way is to rock his world so much so often he can't keep you off his mind.
3. Understand the difference between "sexy" and "sensual."
A. Men are lazy. They will go along the past of least resistance. You can do more to get and keep a man in the kitchen than you ever could in the bedroom. Why do you think his mother retains such power?
B. Less is more to attract a man. I know in today's world everything out there says "sez sells." Has this been oversold to you? It has to others. Everyone seems to buy into to process; but I don't see anyone that really BUYS this as a whole. We've gotten to the point of sensory overload in our society. Men really don't want to see every nook and cranny. Really! They want something left to the imagination. They want to explore and discover. Gives them a sense of "posession," - especially if your name is not being past around at the local bar...
C. He may stray. Let him come home. Guys are only human. If you put them in the right situation anyone (you? -HAVE you?...) will go against principles they have set and live by. Women are the most beautiful creation on the planet. And a women that is seeking a man only has to lower her standards enough to get one. This is true anytime or anywhere. You have real power! But, you can't relax that after you've got him, because, as much as you say men are dogs, they aren't sleeping with themselves. So some other lady is looking to exercise her power on YOUR man, IF she decides to do so. And many don't actually care if he is in a relationship. Some actually know that he is and go ahead anyway (soap opera drama). You have to watch the signs and train him on what not to do. Men cheat be degrees. You have to smack his nose the moment he gets out of line. Does his eye wander? Does he take phone calls in another room? Are his excuses lame? Is he ignoring you? Lay down the law hard and fast, or go get someone else. Period. BUT... you need to know the key to his heart. Men are insecure. They cheat because they have self esteem issues. They need affirmation. Not saying they know a healthy way to get it, but cheating can provide that. Much like most rapes are about power, not pleasure. Men look at sex differenly than women. They don't see how much cheating hurts the other person - until it happens to them. They view cheating as a "victimless crime." And they will probably do it as long as they can get away with it. That part is up to you. How youy handle it is controlled be you. After all the preventative measures are in place, so will still wander. You have to decide whether or not they are allowed to come back. Because they will come back. Unfortunately, it is only after they do go this route that they really appreciate what they had with you... Kinda like the difference between a home and a hotel.
D. Don't ask, don't tell. One of the most maniplulative ploys I have ever seen is to tell someone about your past, because you expect them to tell you about theirs. Don't do that. That information can't do you any good: most people lead very messed up lives. What important is that they are there right now and willing to make a go of it with what they've got and who they are. People change. They learn and grow. Let them do that and appreciate them, if you can. But you don't want to know about what they did, who with, and anything else under rocks. It is there, and you won't like it. Glass house...
5. Stay out of the media regarding sex. They are using the media to promote sex so they can get your attention to sell you something. The problem is things have to get ever more sexy to get and hold attention. So we get to the point where its uber-sexy, like someone dropped a sex- bomb on society. And we get a very sick society by doing so.
A. You don't need Cosmo or Vogue to sell you an article on sex or relationships. You are a woman. For sex to happen, all you have to do is show up!
B. Don't let your man watch porn. Future generations will show the addictive qualities of porn. I'm talking the hardcore stuff. The problem is a viewer will escalate the perverseness over time in order to get the same level of stimulation. The problem for you is, you will never be able to keep up. Hell, porn stars can't keep up (you won't see Jenna Jamison doing anymore hardcore for that reason - she sells the IDEA of her image as a fantasy to men by doing girl on girl, but no more hardcore for the biggest porn star in their industry!). I don't mean to be a prude, but the whole concept of porn is debase and degrading. Anyway, sex is not a substitute for love. Most men actually want, even need love. They just don't know how to go about finding, or providing it. So again, you have to train them (amidst a turbulent media sea of sex) how to find it.
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Now to me.
I did the blog thing, and I hope you got something out of it. Been wanting to write this post for a long time. Thanks for reading...
I'm a 47 year old (if you are hung up on age as a number then you haven't been listening - I can take my twenty year old basketball students out on a court and utterly abuse them any time I please) 6'8" college educated marketing professional. I want nice homes, fast cars, and a beautiful woman who I can build a life with. I want to create a business and real estate empire that will allow me to travel the world and tickle her on the best beaches on the planet.
Many people say they like to walk on beaches at sunset holding hands. I have a passion for it, now that I'm at an age where I can still appreciate the sweetness of a waning "youth."
I was a world class athlete, and I'm a registered genius at a couple of executive training institutes when I was in Los Angeles. One gave me an Honorary MBA. I have seen and done enough for several lifetimes, and this one still has a lot to offer.
I was in a 20 year relationship with a lovely lady, and have been on my own long enough to get over that, and move on. I do want a lady in my life again, but my approach to this is to take it slow.
I haven't been dating, and I may be a little rusty at that, so be gentle.
I do consider myself a romantic, and have a zest and a passion for life. I also consider myself emotionally centered.
I want a lady that is will to stand by my side in mind, body and spirit.
So, if you have gotten this far, the question I have for you is, if I've got all this going for me, why do you deserve me?
I've given you some of my opinions about life, and relationships. Where do you stand on these issues?
Are you drug, disease and baggage free? Do you enjoy life and want even more? Are you lovely inside AND out?
These would be some things I'd like to explore...
I have provided some photos so you won't think I'm a dog. If you like what you see I invite you to chat back and - please - reply with a photo, so I will have an idea about who I am talking to.
Live. Laugh. Love.
Coach K
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