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| I AM JORGE P SOUSA, AMERICA'S NATIONAL LOSER |
| Home & Garden : Laundry |
| 03/15/06 |
Let me introduce myself. I am Jorge P Sousa, # 1 loser in the world. I have recently been bestowed the title of "America's National Loser", a title which suits me fine. In fact, I am so twisted that being a loser has actually become a complete life transformation for me. Now a little about me and my background:
People, who needs them? I have my computer and my GI Joe dolls. Ha, I'll bet you thought I gave Joe up when I turned 25. No way. In fact ever since Bush was elected, Joe is even more important to me. I just got me a vintage Barbie doll off of ebay too. Next week, Joe and Barbie get married and guess who the best man is!
Girlfriend, don't need one of those. My hand works just fine and I don't have to waste time finding that special girl who will touch it just right. I know how I like it and I make myself feel good. Plus girls are so yucky. They always want stuff and you have do things for them. My hand does everything for me and it doesn't give me a hassle. My mom got Mrs. Grey's daughter to come over one time. She was here for like 10 minutes and she wanted to change the channel from WWF to some stupid show on Lifetime. I said fuck that. When you're in my house, we watch Fox News, HBO or wrestling and that's it. No girl is gonna tell me what to watch on my TV.
Education, that's for losers. Oh wait I am a loser. Nevermind that. I dropped out of school after the McMillan brothers set my underwear on fire and made me eat a cat turd. Well I showed them. I didn't even have to finish 10th grade. Those idiots had to go to school until they were 18! Ha ha, the jokes on them!
Get my own apartment? Forget that. Who the hell wants to pay rent and deal with all those bills? Plus you gotta do your own laundry. I'll never be caught dead doing my laundry. My mom does that cause that's what moms are for. I got everything I need right here in the basement of my parent's house. I got free cable WITH HBO! We got AOL too. I got my own fridge and the pizza guy even comes right to the basement door now. I don't even have to walk upstairs anymore. Is that totally cool or what?
Work, what the hell is that? All those libtards get up at 7 every morning and go to some shitty job in the city. Not me. I sleep in every day. Besides if I had to work, I wouldn't be able to keep my website so up to date and post on Craigslist. Oh and by the way, I gotta thank Craig Newmark for letting me post. Yeah I know he's on my fucker list but I gotta give him some credit for starting Craigslist. I don't know what I'd do without it. There's no way I could afford to advertise my site anywhere. I just wish Craig would get the hell out of Kommunist Kalifornia. Man those people are real fuckers. You should see the shit they post about me. Saying I'm gay and stupid. What the hell do they know? And why do they have to put the President down so much? All he ever did was start a war. What the fuck? I get them back though every day. I post their e-mail addresses on Craigslist. They think I'm stupid huh? I'll show them those liberal fuckers. My cousins friend works for the FBI. I got connections to George Bush. If Ronald Reagan were alive he'd kick all of their asses for ruining that state. Fucking communists.
Well I gotta get back to my computer. I haven't posted anything about Cindy Sheehan in a couple of days. That bitch ruined Casey's life. She's on my permanent fucker list.
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