I can never hope to communicate this story in print in a way that does it justice, but here it goes...
This friend of mine was moving to a new apartment. He has two cats, and the new landlord would only allow one. They snuck the cat in but a few days later, the landlord wanted to come over, give them a tour of the new building, fix the light switch, etc. So my friend asked me if I could take the second contraband cat for awhile until the landlord did his thing so they didn't get busted. I said sure no problem, but I want to keep her in my room because I have no idea what my roommates feelings on cat were. He said fine, she'll probably just go hide somewhere any way.
So that night my friend brought the cat over. We let her out in my room, she cried a couple times, and them went and hid under the covers, just as expected. So we left her alone and went and had a few beers, shot the shit, whatever, he went home, and that was it. I went to bed.
The next day I did not see the cat. My friend called around noon and asked how she was doing. I had no idea, did not know were she was, had not seen her. For all I knew the cat was gone, except for the fact that the door had been closed all night. My room might as well be a closet, very small, the cat couldn't have gone far. My buddy and his girlfriend came over and we proceeded to search the entire room for the next 45 minutes. No cat. We looked in the closet. No cat. Under the bed, no cat. In the laundry hamper, no cat. Then I heard this noise come from the closet. Just a little scratching noise. We started looking in the closet again. Then a min later we hear whinning. It gets louder. We can't find the cat. Now I have to say here, that this cat weighs about 3 pounds, she is very little, and she is jet black. No easy task to find her in a dark closet. So the searching goes on for a few minutes and we keep following the whining, eventually we see a pair of eyes, under a shelf, completely covered up by clothes, behind a pair of shoes. This cat was in the most remote corner of a closet that you could possibly imagine, to the point that she was stuck, and could not get out, and thats why she was crying. Or so we thought....
So my friend starts talking to the cat, trying to calm her a little, and he reaches back in the closet to pull some of the stuff out of the way to get to her.... when all of the sudden this cat breaks out some mad crazy ninja move the likes of which I have never see, and lunges out and slashes up my buddies hand and growls and hisses, and then disappeared back into the depths of the closet. This all happened in about 3 tenths of a second. My buddy was bleeding, I was slacked jawed and shocked, not able to move, and his girlfriend was laughing hysterically.
We decided that we would need some sort of protective covering to retrieve the ninja cat in the closet, so I got my motor cycle gloves and gave them to my friend, he put them on, and again ventured in to extract the ninja cat. The cat was not having any of this. Again, the cat breaks out the kung-fu, this time biting one hand while scratching both arms of my friend simultaneously. The motorcycle gloves were no match for the ninja cat. She went right through them like butter, and scratched the hell out of his arms at the same time. So I went and found my cold weather motorcycle gloves. I mean these things are thick, full of insulation, they go all they way up to your elbows, these are serious gloves... but the ninja cat would not be captured. Again, the cat comes out with a mad-crazy move and swiftly removed one of the giant gloves with one paw, scratching wildly and the exposed skin with the other. It was truly an awesome weapon, this ninja cat. At this point my buddy's girlfriend is laughing so hard she is crying and can't catch her breath. Again, we regroup, this time with all the necessary armor, big motorcycle gloves, this time tucked into my leather motorcycle jacket, along with a motorcycle helmet, with a full face shield, and a large bath towel, to trap this ninja cat from hell before she kills again. Bravely my friend goes in, fully armed, this time lunging back at the ninja cat as she tries to bust out some more tae-kwan-do moves of death, ensnaring her with the towel, pulling her free from the closet of death and gently laying her in the kitty-carrier. My friend, physically exhausted from the ordeal, collapsed right then and there on my floor, battered and bloody, his girlfriend laughing so hard she began to snort.
Over the years my profession has taken me a lot of places. I have been in the middle of a raging forrest fire, I been to the seediest neighborhoods around, I've even been to a war zone once. None of this could have prepared me for the shear terror that I experienced while tempting fate, in trying to overcome the raw and awesome force of nature, that is the ninja cat...
The other day I went over to my friends house for a beer. The ninja cat came and sat on my lap and started purring.
Go figure... and beware of the ninja cat...
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